Breaking Free

For my first post, I want to expand on the scenario of the tangled necklaces that I described on my Untangled Blog landing page.  As I worked through the tedious process of separating my necklaces that day, several things came to mind, one of which is the concept of breaking free.

The way that I was finally able to separate the two necklaces involved prying open the loop of one necklace in which the other necklace had become bound.  Once I did that, both of the necklaces were free from each other, and I was then able to work on untangling each individual necklace.  It reminded me of how we can become so bound up in expectations and the need to please other people that we lose sight of ourselves.  We cannot experience a life of freedom if our focus is on pleasing others.  However, if we recognize that others have that kind of grip on us, we can make a conscious choice to break free.

God has used my children in part to teach me this over the years.  One example involves my daughter, Lexi.  I had always wanted a little girl, and Lexi was my firstborn.  I dreamed of “sugar and spice and everything nice” and had big plans and expectations for my little princess.  When Lexi was a baby and a toddler, I dressed her up in bows, ruffles, and all things girly.  However, things came to a halt when Lexi was about three years old and asked me why she had to wear these “weird” clothes.  She didn’t want to dress like that anymore.  She wanted to be comfortable and run around in a t-shirt and shorts.

I still wanted to dress her in cute little outfits and do all things girly, but that would have made her miserable.  So over the next several years, day in and day out, I let go of my own desires and expectations as I allowed my daughter to function in her God-given bent.

Unfortunately, other people had no qualms about placing their expectations on Lexi.  I vividly remember Lexi being in tears when I picked her up from school after her first day of kindergarten.  Some girls had teased her for carrying a Spiderman backpack, saying that it was for boys.  It was painful to see Lexi so broken-hearted, and in my mind, I wondered if I had made a mistake in allowing her to choose this backpack.  Should I have foreseen the teasing and prevented this by persuading her to make a different choice?

Lexi soon provided the answer to that question.  She decided that she didn’t care if the girls teased her.  She was going to carry her Spiderman backpack because she liked it, and she wasn’t going to change to conform to someone else’s expectations or opinions.  She showed great resolve and bravery for a five year old, and it was a lesson for me in remaining true to yourself and not compromising who you are to gain other people’s approval.

There were many similar situations that Lexi encountered over the next several years.  She was judged by both kids and adults alike on her choice of clothes, toys, games, etc., but she always stood her ground and never caved in to the pressure to conform to other people’s expectations.

It wasn’t easy, and there are things that she still battles with. But I know God has a plan for her and her life, and my job is to pray and trust that He will lead her in the way she should go.

How about you?  Are you or one of your children facing a decision that differs from popular opinion?  If so, I encourage you to block out the noise and seek God’s guidance on the proper course to take.

Or perhaps you’ve already compromised and made a choice to gain acceptance and approval.  If so, it’s never too late to alter your course, to release yourself from whatever beliefs and expectations others are placing on you and to follow your God-directed path.

Just ask yourself, “Am I trying to please God or people?”  We can only experience freedom and serve our true purpose when we seek to please God.

 “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?  Or am I trying to please people?  If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” – Galatians 1:10 (NIV)

For additional insight on this topic, keep an eye out for my subsequent posts this month and further study within the next month.