Great Expectations

In my blog posts last month, I discussed how we can get caught up in pleasing others and meeting other people’s expectations.  We can also get caught up in the expectations we place on ourselves.

When I was a little girl, Wonder Woman was my favorite super hero.  I wasn’t into comic books or anything of the sort, but I did tune in regularly to watch the TV series that Lynda Carter starred in.  I was enamored by Wonder Woman.  She displayed strength, power, beauty, love, and justice.  And she had all of those cool gadgets … an invisible plane, a tiara that doubled as a boomerang, a lasso of truth, and bullet deflecting wrist cuffs, not to mention those killer red boots!

I would often pretend to be Wonder Woman.  I even had Wonder Woman Underoos (an underwear set with a matching top and bottom that mimicked Wonder Woman’s costume).  It was pretty cool to feel like I had Wonder Woman’s super hero costume on underneath my clothes, and it helped spark my imaginary play.

I had a lot of fun pretending to be Wonder Woman as a child, but as I grew into a young woman, the fantasy waned.  I had a lot of expectations of myself and tried to be a wonder woman of sorts, but I kept coming up short.  From the outside I suppose I appeared as someone who had everything going for her … a good marriage, beautiful kids, loving family, successful career, and so on.  But the reality was quite the opposite.  I had many roles to fill and wanted to give my best to each, but I felt like I wasn’t doing any of them well.  There was no super hero costume underneath my clothes now.  Not only did I not feel like a wonder woman, I didn’t even feel adequate.  I felt like everyone else could do it all and do it well, but I just couldn’t measure up.

Often times our feelings of inadequacy are a result of us comparing ourselves to other people.  We may look at others and think, “I wish I were as ___________ as them”, you fill in the blank: organized, disciplined, dynamic, eloquent, smart, successful, and so on and so forth; the choices are endless.  I’ve thought each of these things and many more, so much so that it would take an entire book for me to describe them all.  In each situation, the result was the same.  I was left feeling inadequate in comparison.

I thought that I was just being honest with myself and taking a good look in the mirror to see all of my shortcomings.  However, God showed me that my mirror was warped, like one of those funhouse mirrors that make your bottom look like a hippopotamus and your top look like a pinhead!  My perceptions and expectations of myself were distorted.  The reality was that my expectations were both unfair and unrealistic.

For example, I don’t naturally possess great organizational skills.  As a mom with a full-time career, I find myself doing a lot of juggling, and sometimes I drop a ball or two, or a few.  I would often tell myself that if I could just be more organized like so-and-so, I would be able to keep all of my balls in the air.  I would shame myself for not being more organized and berate myself for the balls that I had dropped.

When I was finally able to see God’s perspective, I realized that by continually focusing on the balls that I dropped, I was failing to recognize all of the balls that I kept in the air, and how high some of them were soaring.  I also realized that not only was it okay to drop a few balls, but that I needed to drop a few and hand them over to someone else; no one person could be expected to juggle that much for any sustained period of time.  I wouldn’t expect this of anyone else, so why did I expect it of myself?

God also revealed that just because I wasn’t an organized person by nature, that didn’t mean I was inadequate.  Rather, this was an area where I could give myself some grace, learn something new, and/or reach out to others for help.  I didn’t have to do it all myself!

There have been so many other situations where God has revealed this same theme to me.  The beauty of us all being blessed with different talents and abilities is that we can learn and grow from each other and support each other.  We don’t have to do it all ourselves, and we shouldn’t expect this of ourselves.

In 1 Corinthians, Chapter 12, it explains that in Christ we are collectively one body and that we are each a different part of the body.  God has placed the parts in the body just as He wants them to be, and we are each to serve our intended purpose.  No part is insignificant.  There should be no division in the body, and the parts should have equal concern for each other.  We are to support each other and rejoice with each other.

If you find yourself doubting who you are or feeling inadequate, I encourage you to return to God’s truth.  Ask God to give you a fresh perspective and to help you let go of any unrealistic expectations of yourself.  Ask God to help you realize the gifts and talents that He has blessed you with and to step into all that He has planned for you.  Ask God to give you an appreciation for the talents and roles that others fill, and for this to be a source of inspiration and support rather than a source of discouragement and isolation.

I have a quote posted in my home office that states, “It’s not who you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you’re not.”  This is not something that I’ve conquered; it’s a daily battle that I face.  I have to continually turn to God’s truth to prevent my feelings of inadequacy from holding me back.  Such feelings will never go away.  We have to fight these feelings, and God has fully equipped us for the battle.  While we may not have Wonder Woman’s cool gadgets, we have something better.  We have the full armor of God, we just have to put it on.

Ephesians 6:11, 14-17 says, “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”  Sounds like a wonder woman (or man) to me.