Be the Difference

Have you noticed how many people seem to get offended so easily nowadays?

It’s like everyone wears their feelings on their sleeves just waiting for someone to offend them.  And we walk around on eggshells afraid of doing or saying something that might hurt someone else’s feelings.

Don’t get me wrong.  I believe in being kinder than necessary and tell my kids what my mom told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

Does that mean my kids adhere to this?  Of course not, they’re kids!

And neither do many adults I’ve encountered.  Nor do the rest of us sometimes, try as we might, because none of us are perfect.

Which is why we need to extend grace and forgiveness to one another.  Isn’t that what Jesus taught?

But that’s not the way of our culture now.  We seem to get offended by EVERYTHING.

What has happened to our sense of personal responsibility, accountability, resilience, respect, self-control?  And of course love and kindness, but those goes hand-in-hand with (not in opposition to) the rest.

As a matter of fact, if we practiced a little more self-control along with love and kindness when someone says or does something that offends us, we might just turn the tide.  The Bible says in Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  And Proverbs 15:18 says, “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”

If only we could all embrace this concept.

I can’t tell you how often I have reiterated it in my own home.  But like much of society, my kids have often wanted to respond back in defense or retaliation when someone has offended or wronged them.

“No, no, no!” I tell them, “Don’t treat people the way they treat you.  Treat people the way you want to be treated.  Be the bigger person.”

But I get it.  It’s hard for kids to be the bigger person.  It’s hard for adults.

It doesn’t come naturally to us, and it’s often a matter of pride.  Which is why we need to set aside our own feelings and desires and allow God’s love to flow through us.

I saw a great example of this growing up, in my own father.  My dad was a pastor and constantly ministered to others in need.  But many times, the very people my dad helped spoke against him, opposed him, and rejected him.  Even some whom he considered friends betrayed him, and others abandoned him and our family in times of need.

But my dad didn’t respond with anger and malice, rather he responded with love and kindness.  He was slow to judge and quick to forgive.

Often times it made me angry.  I didn’t want my dad to be nice to the people who had treated him or our family badly.  I wanted him to turn them away or put them in their place.  But my dad chose to put aside his own feelings of hurt and pride, and rather than showing people the door, he showed them Jesus.  Instead of giving people a piece of his mind, he gave them a piece of his heart.

That’s not to say that my dad was a pushover; he certainly was not.  He stood up for what he believed in and he would have given his life to protect his family.  But he knew when to overlook an offense and the importance of extending love, grace, and forgiveness to others.

My dad exemplified meekness, not weakness.  There’s a big difference.  I once heard someone define meekness as “strength under control.”  Love that.

We could all use a little more meekness, but our society as a whole seems to have the opposite view.  We seem to think that being powerful means that we “cry foul” every time something doesn’t go our way or when someone mistreats us.  We seem to think that being strong means that we don’t allow someone to “get away with” speaking against us or wronging us, that we need to have a retort or to give people “what they have coming to them.”  We seem to think that peace is something we have to campaign and battle for.

We fail to recognize that real power lies in patience, that real strength lies in self-control, and that real peace lies in love and forgiveness.

I didn’t quite get that when I was a kid, but I do now.  And I no longer have anger but thankfulness for how my dad responded to others and the example that he set.

It’s an example we all can follow.  We can choose not to get offended so easily.  We can refrain from being too quick to judge others or to assume the worst about their intentions.  We can give people the benefit of the doubt.  We can extend grace and forgiveness.  We can be the bigger person.

We can be the difference.

“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”  Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”  Ephesians 4:2 (NIV)

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”  Colossians 3:13 (NIV)

“… Live in peace with each other.  And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.  Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.”  1 Thessalonians 5:13-15 (NIV)