When There Are No Words

As we were processing a tragedy that had unfolded in our local community, a friend said that I should write about it. But what can you say when there are no words.

No words that can take away the pain and heartache.  No words that can undo the devastation.  No words that can make the path forward any easier to navigate.

What can you say to parents who just lost their teenage son?  What can you say to this young man’s siblings and other members of his family?  What can you say to his church family? 

What can you say to his friends, including our own children?  What can you say to his classmates and teachers, his teammates and coaches, and so many others whose lives he touched?

And there were many, as evidenced by the scores of people who came out to pay tribute.  What can you say to a community in mourning?

What can you say when words won’t bring him back? What can you say when it didn’t have to be this way if only …

If only. 

I’ve seen this scenario play out too many times in other cases with a friend’s son, a friend’s dad, a friend’s husband, a family friend, and my daughter’s classmate, in addition to countless others whom I didn’t know personally.  Even some high-profile celebrities.  Some who seemed to have everything going for them, but yet still.

Deaths of any kind are never easy to deal with, but deaths of this kind are even more difficult with the accompanying shock and questions of why.

My friend who lost her young adult son in this manner a few years ago described the experience like being in a sea of unrelenting waves.  The waves crash over you and drive you down below the surface.  You fight your way up for air, only to be met with another wave that pushes you back under.  And the cycle continues.

But you don’t drown, somehow you survive.  However, things are never the same.  There’s life before, and there’s life after. 

You don’t ever get over the loss.

But you can ensure the loss was not in vain. That’s what this friend of mine purposed, and that’s what she has lived out.  As have other friends and many more who have faced such a tragedy. 

In varying and different ways, they have honored their loved ones’ legacies; they have shared their stories to reach others in need in hopes to help avoid similar outcomes; they have become volunteers and advocates; they have established foundations and charitable organizations; they have shared how their faith in God sustained them and have spread the message of God’s redemption and salvation.

And while none of them would have willingly chosen to walk this particular path, they have chosen to walk forward, allowing God to bring hope out of despair, recovery out of loss, and life out of death.

So what can we do when tragedy strikes, when life doesn’t make sense, when we have questions but not answers, when there are no words to say? We can trust, we can hope, we can pray, and we can act.

Trust that our all-loving God will comfort and sustain us, hope that our all-powerful God will bring light out of darkness, pray that our all-knowing God will show us the path forward, and act in whatever way God leads us.

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“We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.” Psalm 33:20 (NIV)

“You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” Psalm 18:28 (NIV)

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)